you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
