i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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