Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
