I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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