she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
