I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
