Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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