A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
