we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
