I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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