Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
