belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
