Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
