Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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