I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
