you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
