Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
