True but thats because hes a fetus.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
