At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
