idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
