i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
