I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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