I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
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