Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
