Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
