By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Sorry about my life...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
