So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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