youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
