When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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