i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
