I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
