You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
