Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
