yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We had sex on a dog bed..
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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