I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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