goodnight i made you a song goodbye
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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