I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
