I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
