check it out our google latitudes are spooning
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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