If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
