do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
