It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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