NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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