Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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