And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize