Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he was CRYING into my vagina
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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