ya dads aren't the best wingmen
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
