i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
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