Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
