Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
