ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Fuck me I smell like cheese
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
