i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
