We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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