The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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