just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
