I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
