im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
