HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
