No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
