Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
My pussy is not your playground.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
did you just send me my own nude
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
