operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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