I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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