did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
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