Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
dude. I can hear the air.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
