...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
