It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
