oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
